The #1 Thing We Have in Common w/ Simone Biles & Novak Djokovic

Within the Enneagram personality structure of nine distinct Types, there are a handful of the numbers that tend to deal more with the struggle of feeling they are not enough, or good enough, due to their core fears and motivations. Namely, I’m referring to Types One, Two, Four & Six. But, in my opinion (as a Three/One-on-one Subtype), we all struggle with the feeling of inadequacy at one point or another.

After Novak Djokovic won the illusive gold medal for tennis in these Summer Olympics, I watched his interview. After asking the usual, expected questions, like How does it feel?, the interviewer dug deeper into Novak’s psyche, asking him Is it enough? He squirmed a bit, but apparently decided to be vulnerable, and admitted his lifelong personal battle with Am I enough, good enough? – in tennis as well as in his other roles as husband and father.

Taken from Novak's post-match interview:

"I’m telling myself always that I am enough,” he said. “Because I can be very self-critical. I don’t know. That’s one of the biggest internal battles I keep on fighting with myself. That I feel like I haven’t done enough or been enough in my life on and off the court."

“So it’s a big lesson for me. I’m super grateful for the blessing to win a historic gold medal for my country. To complete the golden slam. To complete all the records."

Asked again at the end of the interview, “Is it enough?”

He said: “I think so.”

In that moment, I felt a kinship with the GOAT of tennis. I thought, Well, how about that! Even Djokovic deals with inadequacy, while he continues to check all the boxes of success possible in the world of tennis! [Side point: I’m pretty sure Novak is a Type One, which is one of the E Types that are especially vulnerable to feeling not (good) enough.]

Shortly after that, I was reading an article about Simone Biles. She apparently shared her point of view on social media about the rampant questioning of medaled athletes re: What’s next?

Here she is, at the ripe old age of 27, not only securing her comeback from the Tokyo games, but breaking both Olympic and world records, and all everyone wants to know

is: What’s next?

Taken from Simone's social media post:

"You guys really gotta stop asking athletes what’s next after they win a medal at the Olympics...let us soak up the moment we’ve worked our whole lives for."

I can feel her justifiable exasperation! It’s as if we are saying What you have accomplished is not enough. I felt angry with her; and then realized perhaps she was speaking for all of us – in those moments where we are wrestling with the real or imagined messages coming at us, speaking loudly with that not-enoughness voice in our heads.

Can you identify with this type of inner critic monologue? I sure can. In my younger years especially, I prided myself in being adept at juggling a dozen balls at a time. But eventually I would find my overactive identity as an achiever was writing checks my body – and nervous system – couldn’t cash.

And when I crashed, I’d spend some time in the self-pity pit before my developing self-awareness could bring me back to rational thinking. And there in the pit, that message would come to seek and destroy:

No matter how much I do, it’s never enough...It's amazing to step outside myself and observe how this Energizer bunny can turn limp and listless in the blink of an eye when pulled down into the inadequacy abyss.

Out of (new) habit, I ran this concept through ChatGPT. I asked Chat to pull some source materials re: dealing with feeling not enough. I thought the compilation has some value, so here are some synthesized strategies from websites such as Psychology Today and Greater Good:

Feeling like you're not enough is a common struggle that many people face. Various strategies and insights can help manage and overcome these feelings:

1.    Self-Affirmations: Engaging in self-affirmation activities, such as writing positive notes to yourself, can significantly improve your self-perception. Placing these notes in visible areas can remind you of your strengths and potential. This practice helps to reinforce a positive self-image and reduce self-doubt​.

2.    Connection Over Comparison: Shifting focus from self-evaluation to connecting with others can be beneficial. Instead of constantly comparing yourself to others, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, focus on building meaningful relationships and practicing compassion, gratitude, and forgiveness. This approach helps to develop a stable sense of happiness and reduces the pressure to constantly prove your worth​.

3.    Managing Your Inner Critic: It’s essential to address the inner critic that often exacerbates feelings of not being enough. Techniques such as speaking kindly to yourself, being gentle with your flaws, and seeking external perspectives on your positive traits can help combat negative self-talk. Recognizing and challenging the unrealistic expectations you place on yourself is also crucial for maintaining a healthy self-image​.

4.    Environment and Boundaries: Evaluating your environment and setting healthy boundaries can protect your self-esteem. If certain individuals or situations contribute to your feelings of inadequacy, it might be necessary to distance yourself from them. Surrounding yourself with supportive and encouraging people can make a significant difference​.

5.    Progress Over Perfection: Focusing on progress rather than perfection is a powerful mindset shift. Accepting that perfection is unattainable and celebrating your growth can alleviate the pressure to measure up to unrealistic standards. Embracing your journey and the improvements you make along the way fosters a more positive self-view​.

I can see how these solid, rational points could serve as a GPS of sorts when disoriented by inadequacy echoes in the pit. But for me, I had to connect threats to my value with my relationship with God. After six-plus decades of experiencing life, I know too much to think I am sufficient for my insufficiency battles!

Becoming a wife and mother at barely 20 years of age, hastened my need to learn to run to the Source of my adequacy, my self-esteem, my value. And it was through meditating on specific scriptures, until they moved from my head to my heart, that I found my sure weapons against those insidious, provoking messages. I desired to understand how self-confidence and self-assurance fits into the larger awareness of my need for God.

My core Life Verses that (re)center me:

Romans 7:18 – In my flesh dwells no good thing; for though I have the desire to do that which is good, I cannot carry it out.    

John 15:5 - Apart from Me, you can do nothing.

Matt 19:25 – With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Phil 4:13 AMP–  I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]

The last verse, Phil 4:13, really captures for me, the unique juxtaposition of my self-sufficiency being found in Christ’s sufficiency.

Only in and with Him can I fulfill the purposes for which He created me with confidence and assurance of my worthiness to be loved and to belong - for who I am, not what I do.

Here, Brene Brown’s words, from her book Daring Greatly, make an important connection between being enough, self-acceptance, and belonging – which is a need we all share – even the GOATS with chests full of medals:

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

I hope in reading this, you feel a kinship with me, as well as with Simone and Novak, regarding the very human hassle of feeling not (good) enough. If you could have one other takeaway, I hope it's the importance of having and practicing a strategy for the inevitable set-ups that come in life that expose this component of our vulnerability.

To ponder: What's your battle plan when your worth or value or sufficiency is under attack?

[*Note: If these feelings persist and significantly impact your daily life, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide additional guidance and support. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you navigate these challenges.]

If you would like to follow me on this adventure, and receive notice whenever I post something new, please subscribe. (It’s simple – at the top and bottom of every page on the Perils & Pearls blog site. *No need to be a 'member.')

**A word about POSTING COMMENTS: I LV engaging with your feedback/responses to my writings! But, if you run into tech obstacles when trying to post a comment, please feel free to do as so many of you have done: Send me a private message using the "Let's Chat" option on the Perils & Pearls Home Page.

And if you know people who would benefit from the support, and/or enjoy the short writings, please share the site or a post with them. Heck, just share it on your social media…Let’s grow it together! 

Blessed to play a part ~

g